I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
