i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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