she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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