i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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