Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
