My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
