Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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