The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
