Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
