They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
