I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
