what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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