Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am in a vortex of obligation.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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