i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
