why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
