Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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