I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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