i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no you cant smoke seaweed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
