I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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