that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
