Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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