Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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