The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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