I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
