They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
