why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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