I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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