I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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