i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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