Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
