Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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