Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
