Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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