i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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