I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
