you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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