My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
