This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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