Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
