this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
