YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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