YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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