It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
