I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
