Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
