she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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