Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
