The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
