Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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