wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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