just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
