i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
