They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
