I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
