I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
